accidentaladdict

The American Society of Addiction Medicine has this definition for Addiction:

Addiction is a primary, chronic disease of brain reward, motivation, memory and related circuitry. Dysfunction in these circuits leads to characteristic biological, psychological, social and spiritual manifestations. This is reflected in the individual pursuing reward and/or relief by substance use and other behaviors. The addiction is characterized by impairment in behavioral control, craving, inability to consistently abstain, and diminished recognition of significant problems with one’s behaviors and interpersonal relationships. Like other chronic diseases, addiction can involve cycles of relapse and remission. Without treatment or engagement in recovery activities, addiction is progressive and can result in disability or premature death.

My Story

I am an addict. However unlike the mainstream view of addicts as being homeless, desperate, unhealthy individual I am what is called a functional addict. Like many functional addicts, I have a good job, a nice house, supportive friends and family. In fact most people would be unable to identify me as an addict.

My first addiction was to alcohol. From my late teens until my early thirties I drank a lot. In fact, from the beginning I drank to not only get drunk, but to get smashed. It took me two years of hard work, a couple of interventions and numerous visists to rehab to come off alcohol. I have been sober in regards to alcohol for seven years.

Two years after coming off the alcohol, I caught a very bad flu. The only medicine that was any relief were over the counter pain tablets. These tablets contained 8.5mg of Codeine. I was taking four of these at a time to cope with the symptoms of the flu. On these tablets I also felt very good, too good. After the flue went away I kept taking the tablets, and I felt great. However as time went on I started to take more and more over the counter codeine tablets, the stronger the better. I was taking handfuls of these tablets, three to four times a day.

Then I discovered Nurofen Plus. These tablets  contained 12.8mg codeine phosphate and 200mg of  ibuprofen. Six of these at a time really hit the spot, and they came in packets of 96. Whilst most chemists keep an eye on those buying over the counter pain killers, it wasn’t hard to cycle through 6 or 7 different chemists making keeping the supply going quite easy. Little did I know that the 200mg of  ibuprofen in each tablet was starting to burn a hole in my stomach.

Two years past and I managed to keep the codeine flowing. I managed to hide my addiction from everyone. In fact on a trip to South East Asia, I discovered the power of Panadiene Forte. 30mg of bliss per pill. These were over the counter with no questions asked. 4 of these took me to a very happy place. It was only when I returned from South East Asia did I experience the first inkings of withdrawal. Note I never went to my doctor complaining of pain so I could secure more Panadiene Forte. To much hassle, and too close potentially to admitting to a real problem.

It wasn’t until about six months later that I woke up one Monday morning feeling very very ill. Vomiting until I was vomiting blood and bile. My girlfriend decided that I was time for me to head to the emergency department of my local hospital. It was there that I was found to have a duodenal ulcer. An ulcer that was largely due to the huge amounts of ibuprofen I was digesting with the codeine.

During my treatment I was referred to the hospitals addiction specialist. He recommended that I start on Buprenorphine as a replacement for the codeine. At the time I didn’t know what on earth Buprenorphine was, but I was assured that unlike Methadone that it was very easy to taper off.

That was three years ago. Not for want I trying I am still on 14mg of Buprenorphine a day. Buprenorphine has also opened up a world I only vaguely knew about, Methadone clinics. Due to the State laws, Buprenorphine can only be proscribed by creation doctors and dispensed at the same clinics that Metahdone is dispensed at. My first visit to such a clinic was full of fear and trepidation. Surely I hadn’t sunk to the depths of a junky.

In fact yes I had, accidentally.

The Buprenorphine has been a two edge sword. On one side it has kept me from continuing to distroy my guts with over the counter medicines, on the other I need 14mg of Buprenorphine a day to feel normal.

This blog is neither for or against drugs of addiction, rather it is my way of trying to understand my addiction, and myself. If anyone reading this finds something to take away from this then I wish you all the best, and hope that you find a way out of this world.